The Recurring Dream

I had an interesting dream last night. One that is recurring. I don't really know what it means, but Yahoo answers told me that I'm "shedding a past." To be honest this dream just scares the shit out of me and I wish it would stop. Maybe writing about it will make it go away. Let me remember how it starts...

I'm sitting at some sort of diner but not eating anything. There is faint rock and roll music in the background. I have a phone with a cord (this is how I know that I am dreaming). I dial a number and a man's voice answers.

"Hello?"

"Hi. This is me."

"What can I do for you today?"

"I would like to book a funeral, please."

(The man sighs and shuffles some papers, presumably looking down some sort of list).

"How is Monday at two o'clock?"

"I have a show to attend that day. Can it be on Tuesday?"

"Very well. Who is the funeral for?"

"For myself."

"I see. What flowers would you like to buried with? We have a stunning array of lilacs, roses, petunias..."

"I can't afford all that. Just give me the basic package. Also, I don't think I will be ready for Monday."

"Why is that?"

"It's weird, sir, I can't really explain it. I am dead but my body is still breathing."

"Happens all the time."

"It does? What do I do then?"

"I've got good news for you, m'am. You're just going to shed your outer layer of skin off. Like a snake does. But you won't need to be buried."

"What do I do with the skin, then? What will happen to my face?"

"I've seen this many times before. The skin will just decompose. And your face will be kept in a jar, right here in my office."

"So I will have no face?"

"No, m'am. Not until you make a new face of your own."

"How much will it cost to give you my face?"

"We'll discuss the details later. For now, just be patient and I hope to see you soon. I know that clients hate it when their skin starts to peel. You can call us any time for counselling."

"Thank you very much, sir. Have a good day."

I look at my hands and realize that they have bumps and warts all over. I'm wearing a skirt and my bare legs look sunburnt. Indeed, my skin is already beginning to peel. I catch my reflection in the diner window and realize that I don't have a face at all. It is frightening. A mound of flesh for a head and a mane of brown hair is all I see. Ears attached to a big ball of nothing. An empty plain. 

Then I woke up.

"Shedding the past" is a phrase I've been hearing a lot recently. We've all done things that we aren't proud of and we all have secrets. Maybe it's best to just put the past in a jar and give it away. To get a new face and start life anew. I used to think that people didn't change, but now I realize that they grow and shed and make mistakes and do good deeds every single day. In essence, you will be the same human being your entire life, but your morals, behaviour, goals (your skin, not just your physical skin) will change. I have made this funeral call for myself multiple times in my dreams, and now I'm doing it consciously. Death to what has happened, and birth to someone new.