I know you’re cheating on me with the game This foolishness is driving me insane If the taste of beer is sweeter than me Then kiss the keg and leave me be Love deprived, you’re a sad bitter man A lonely, sleazy Maple Leafs fan Half-undressed, I stand at the door You say move, honey, game starts at four I know that your friends will come over soon You’ll cheer on the team and yell like baboons Your life goals reflect your poor persona You can’t even choose- Guinness or Corona You’ve worn the same jersey for three days now You’ve fed on nothing but frat boy chow (Mr. Noodles, hot dogs, and leftover steak And last month’s strawberry birthday cake) It hits twelve pm and you still hit snooze If they lose, you drown your tears with booze And if they win, you celebrate with the gin Who do you love more- me or Fenton? I’m not sure why I haven’t left you yet But at a hockey game is where we first met