Olga's Poetry & Thoughts

I had an odd dream last night. I dreamt that I looked into my bedroom mirror and instead of seeing a monotonous reflection of my face, I saw a panther instead, with its teeth bared. I felt that I had a tail, which I whipped from side to side subconsciously. My eyes were green emeralds and my pupils were dilated. My black whiskers were thick as rope but sensitive as silk threads. And my fangs were sharp enough to slice through the meaty flesh of a wild animal. It was, in a way, incredibly empowering to see myself as a beast. Imagine being a panther. You have no natural predators (except for man), no need to wear makeup or shave or stress about self-image or compare yourself to the distorted standards of society. A panther is free and powerful (at least, that's what my dream dictionary told me). Maybe, for the first time in a long while, I feel free. The truth is that, somewhere along the way from adolescence to adulthood, I lost my power. I lost my grip on the power that I possess...

Let's fall so hopelessly in love that we forget our names Let's dance in the bliss of ignorance so no two days will be the same I've been feeling like a schoolgirl lately and my skirt's above the knees Just to see you turn your head around one hundred eighty degrees I've been swooning like a desperate widow lately and I'm breaking down I've been scanning all the faces hoping that I'll see you around I've been smiling at my cell phone and flirting with the sky I've been acting like a madman and you are the reason why Please let's sit just a little closer so I can hold your hand 'Cause then you'll fall in love with me if all does go as planned And once you've fallen in love with me there is no going back I will hoist you on a train ride and we'll be going down the track I hope that you will let me peel your clothes off to the floor I hope your lips taste as good as they look, or maybe even more I want the smell of ...

Here is a little wish list of mine: I wish I could tame my emotions with a lasso. I wish I agreed to things without picking a fight. I wish I were more accepting of others. I wish that my face would not reveal my emotions so obviously. I wish I were less cold. I wish I quit holding grudges. I wish that every word that came out of my lips was firstly filtered of toxins. I wish I had no bad habits. I wish I stopped worrying about the past, present, and future simultaneously. I wish I loved myself. I wish I stopped being my own worst enemy. I wish I stopped blaming myself for everything. I wish I saw things for the way they really are. I wish I smiled more. I wish I were just a little bit sweeter? Okay, so I’ve established that I’m cold and not sweet. That definitely means I’m not a delightful scoop of ice cream. Maybe I’m like frozen beef. Raw. Filling. And can also leave you with a nasty bruise if you’re struck with it. Most people succumb to t...

I can't believe I'm moving to Toronto. Okay, it's not that far away from Richmond Hill, but it's going to be a big change. I grew up in these neighbourhoods. I've been in Richmond Hill for nine years now and I don't even remember life outside of this town. I know these streets on the back of my hand. In a mere three days, I will be completely cut off from this wicked little town (minus the fact that I have a job here, different story). Today, I walked around Richmond Hill. Visited my old high school (the cramped hallways, the secret corridors and the back field... memories came flooding back). Took one last glance at Central Library (all those hours spent at the exam tables, "studying" for mediocre high school exams). Ordered one last meal at the renovated McDonald's on Bayview and Major Mackenzie (probably spent hundreds of dollars at that place on McChicken combos alone). Walked past my old house, the one my parents and I moved into when we f...

When I was seven years old, I got three dollars a week of allowance. I usually spent it on bubblegum or really cheap stuffed animals. Then one day, when I was with my parents at Wal-Mart, I snooped through the "summer toys" section to come across the most incredible toy ever, in my mind- an insect catcher. It was made of clear plastic and the lid had an opening that you could slide open, then snap shut, in order to catch the bugs. There was a net on one side of the container so that the bugs would be able to breathe. I was flabbergasted at the idea that such a wonderful invention existed, but I knew that my parents would never buy me this toy. They would tell me to get a Ziploc bag or tupperware instead. Those caught bugs too. But this was a special bug catcher and it cost fifteen dollars. It took me four good months of saving up allowance in order to buy this insect catcher (I spent a bit of it on bubblegum, so it slowed down the "saving" process). At last, I pro...

For as long as I can remember, I've had the same unachievable goal, which I believed to be my life's purpose: to achieve perfection. I wanted to be a straight A student, an idol for the younger generation, the prettiest girl on the block, the girl with the perfect boyfriend, the perfect balance of everything that is wonderful and exquisite. Little did I realize that perfection is just a myth, like Big Foot or the cookie monster. I now type this blog post, feeling both shock and excitement, about my new found discovery- that the thing I've been trying so hard to attain all these years does not exist. It's a big pill to swallow, but hopefully a glass full of water and reality will ease the pain. The biggest problem with trying to be perfect is having the constant feeling of guilt and failure. Since perfection is an illusion, I'm chasing after nothing. I feel guilty for not being perfect and, by this definition, I'm a failure because I'm not perfect. This sou...

I know you’re cheating on me with the game This foolishness is driving me insane If the taste of beer is sweeter than me Then kiss the keg and leave me be Love deprived, you’re a sad bitter man A lonely, sleazy Maple Leafs fan Half-undressed, I stand at the door You say move, honey, game starts at four I know that your friends will come over soon You’ll cheer on the team and yell like baboons Your life goals reflect your poor persona You can’t even choose- Guinness or Corona You’ve worn the same jersey for three days now You’ve fed on nothing but frat boy chow (Mr. Noodles, hot dogs, and leftover steak And last month’s strawberry birthday cake) It hits twelve pm and you still hit snooze If they lose, you drown your tears with booze And if they win, you celebrate with the gin Who do you love more- me or Fenton? I’m not sure why I haven’t left you yet But at a hockey game is where we first met