Olga's Poetry & Thoughts

I admit it: I'm guilty. Guilty of being a self-proclaimed feminist. It is unfortunate that we are taught nowadays to attach shame and embarrassment to the term "feminist." When I tell people I'm a feminist, sometimes they chuckle and say, "okay, feminazi" or "I don't agree with feminism" or simply "I don't like that term." I don't think that most people truly understand what the term means, so let's take a mini crash course through history to piece it all together. "Feminism" as we know of the term today sprouted in the late 1800s to early 1900s. In North America at the time, women were not allowed to vote and were not considered as "persons" under the law, meaning they had little to no financial freedom and political influence. Female leaders joined together to fight this injustice and gained suffrage rights throughout the 1910s. This was the first wave of feminism. Later, when swarms of husbands ...

Sometimes I forget where I am, where we are Like Alice, in my body, I feel much too bizarre I swear and I argue and I use love as a crutch I'm shallow and hollow and I drink way too much Scrape the surface of the thin icy shell Teeth chatter a little as your hands start to swell Maybe you'll see me, just maybe you might Catch a mere glimpse of me in the sunlight You might warm me up, you might melt me down But I'm much too terrified to witness you drown So I clog up my arteries with all the pain And I pretend that I'm foolish and vain It's so much easier to pretend to be free Much better to be... a girl who's not me I take three steps forward, and then four steps back Moving so slowly through the tunnels so black Moving like molasses through a world so obscure Hating myself and then finding a cure Loving myself and then biting my tail It goes in circles to no avail Sometimes I forget where I am, where we are All I know is...

Before I went to university, I thought the whole four-year experience would look something like this: And on the odd occasion, there would be a little bit of studying involved, like this: (Seriously, why are university students always smiling in the grass in all university pamphlets!?) But, my university experience pretty much looked like this: When I first started university, I was striving to be the best, and I was thriving after repeated failures, visits to the writing centre, visits to professor office hours, and countless hours spent studying. Now, I'm just surviving university. The eager motivation I had as a freshman, second year, and even third year student has now worn off. The illusion is gone: of endless partying, drinking, carefree nonsense... well sure, I did some of that too, but I always felt a perpetual guilt when I wasn't studying. I didn't settle for Cs, I aimed for Bs. Then I stopped settling for Bs and only accepted As. I pus...

When the snake slithers under my door, let him do it Let him test how much I can take, take my heart and chew it When the clock ticks and time gets too thick to erase Let him steal all my time away and call it the chase When my self esteem withers away, help me do it Assist me as I take the world in my hands and say screw it When the snake poisons my vein, let him do it It's just a small sacrifice for the pain, no more to it Injected with this liquid that makes me another me Rejected by this twisted ghost and I become my enemy Long ago, I thought I was stronger But I can't take the grief any longer Passion or cocaine, same drug different name I am the only person to blame for the pain So when the snake slithers into my chest, let him do it Let him cut out my weak heart and chew it, Nothing more to it.

I recently stumbled upon an advertisement featuring a young woman with her eyes covered by a Kraft Dinner box. She is licking her lips, and the caption reads "a guilty pleasure." Beside this slogan is a box of macaroni and cheese. For some reason this advertisement shocked and offended me. It took me a while to decipher the root of my angst. I finally got it: it gets me mad that the term "guilty pleasure" even exists, because you should never feel guilty for being happy (unless you get happy from twisted and possibly illegal things, in which case you should seek help). My only conclusion from this strange commercial is that we live in a society in which it is deemed normal, and even necessary, to feel guilty for doing anything that is remotely pleasurable. This is most obvious in food and diet advertising. Their message is that you should eat lots of cheap junk food, feel guilty and remorseful for doing so, and then sweat out your tears at an expensive gym, t...

I am gazing upon that strange girl in the mirror Though no lenses would make me notice her clearer Her blue eyes do not haze me for a second, no doubt This serpent is troublesome to figure out Might as well just give up and let myself go Who cares if I giggle and rock to and fro? This blonde will eventually wither to grey Those things will not matter which are important today As my heartbeats become scarce and my senses decay I will simply be begging to press the replay Overrated but true- "live life to the fullest, have fun" These flimsy words of wisdom are much easier said than done With every chuckle of laughter I sink to the ground For I truly feel guilty for goofing around My life should revolve around homework and chores No crazy nights out, no going to stores Yes, that girl in the mirror is trying to make me insane Maybe I should just follow my spirit and ditch this dull brain

If only, if only, if only... What shy words of faulty wisdom and pity I would have, could have, should have... Phrases plainly mendacious; not witty If only there were a device to make time turn on itself If only I could mend my mistakes before they appeared If only my eyes were green instead of blue If only I could have faced all that I have feared If only love was but a fragment of one's mind If only God was but a mythical being If only poverty could perish in guilt If only I could watch the world falling apart without seeing If only everyone could just leave me in peace If only I could sit here and do nothing at all If only life were just a tad less complicated If only an angel would hint to me before I would fall If only things were the opposite of what they are now If only I were able to polish all of life's imperfections If only high school would just end tomorrow If only I would never have to suffer pain and rejection If only I accepted everythin...

Exam week has begun! Oh, the stress keeps building up! Also, this constant isolation from my friends and from regular school life has gotten me pretty down in the dumps. Sitting at home studying all day isn't all that fun... With no distractions except for history notes on my mind, I start looking back at past events- usually disturbing ones, that crowd my inner peace and totally distract me from studying! I'm actually supposed to be studying at the moment, but in order to achieve at least some peace I wrote a poem about this tunnel in my head... It seems like I'm over analayzing past situations over and over again and I'm sure that that's not healthy! You can't change what happened, but you can change what will be. Have to take my own advice sometimes! Ha, enjoy my poem. I am a prisoner of my mind I am a slave of my very own brain Flashbacks clog inner peace And restrain me from becoming sane Thoughts; they arrive with no knock on the door Barge in ...