Olga's Poetry & Thoughts

The power of perfume  Secrets trapped in cheap glass bottles The air is misty as I enter the room Memories climb through my nose into my heart How weak the soul is! Vulnerable, protected by skin But through the nose, through the mouth, through sad eyes The haunting perfume can get in This perfume, the one with the heart shaped glass Reminds me of the days when I shopped as I skipped class And if I close my eyes just tight enough And if the circumstances are right enough I can sniff the love perfume like a drug That takes me right back to a day when I was a different me Recollecting past memories of ourselves We refer to ourselves in third person That girl, that one who wore this perfume with the long blonde hair flowing down her back Is not the girl I see today, with a hairdo that I would never have the courage to flaunt Back when I drowned myself in the love perfume Like a blooming, honey scented flower Waiting for worker bees to devour me Stop it, old perfu...

I'm a fish on the concrete A can of pop half-sweet Lollipop in my hair Shadows everywhere Truth is, I'm terrified Of the vultures in my mind Of the ravens in my chest Of the ruptures on my breast Of the large hand on the clock Of the beckoning tick tock Of my desire for a feast Of my lusting for a beast Of the empty castle walls Of the porcelain white dolls Of the risk I never took Of my fancies for a crook Of the choices I have killed Of the gaps I wrongly filled Of the tears upon the floor Of the bodies on the shore Truth is, I'm terrified Of my self.

I used to be afraid of many things, Of snakes and spiders and rejection. To me, compliments were like bee stings, I used to be desperate for affection. I used to be afraid of thoughts, Of people talking behind my back. I didn’t realize that they forgot About me, so they cut me some slack. I used to be afraid of rotten words, What a bitch, they all would say. Each sliver of gossip that I overheard, Would haunt me day by day. I used to hate myself for making mistakes, I was angry at the naïve stupid me. I used to bend so far I would break, I wished to be perfect and free. Anxiety wrapped itself around my neck, I would choke on the teasing and hate. I used to think of myself as a wreck, I used to think that it was too late. Humans are faulty, it’s the way we are, We make choices of which we’re ashamed. Without trial and error we wouldn’t go far, ‘Cause it’s our delusions that make us the same. Should’ve said this and ...

I’ve been through deserts; I’ve been through rain, I’ve been through gruesome amounts of pain. I’ve been hated by those who are worthless to me, I’ve cried days and nights ‘cause of worthless people, you see. I’ve spent evenings doing things that I wish to undo, Some people don’t even believe the things I’ve been through. I’ve looked in the mirror in disgust, disbelief, I’ve had my heart stolen, and at other times I was the thief. I’ve been abandoned by friends, I’ve been abandoned by hope, I’ve been a disgrace and a bitter, sad mope. Fuck, look at this! I’m still here whether or not I belong, I’ll make it, you see, I’ll survive ‘cause I’m strong. 

Every breath of gentle air I inhale is in memory of you Each beat of my pounding heart is in thought of you Just know that everything I do I do it all for you... But the days are getting shorter and the air is getting thick My pulse is glacial and my heart is raw and sick I thought the bluebells grinned at me, but my eyes were playing tricks I presumed they would charm me, but my soul tore from falling bricks Here I go again, but I swear this is the last time I'd be guilty if crushing my own spirits were a crime The glass is half empty and the margarita's half full All colours of the rainbow fading to grey and dull There's no where else to go but higher up from here The past is but a statement now; the past can disappear So here I am, as I always was, as I will remain This is me, a humble soul, with only myself to blame

If only, if only, if only... What shy words of faulty wisdom and pity I would have, could have, should have... Phrases plainly mendacious; not witty If only there were a device to make time turn on itself If only I could mend my mistakes before they appeared If only my eyes were green instead of blue If only I could have faced all that I have feared If only love was but a fragment of one's mind If only God was but a mythical being If only poverty could perish in guilt If only I could watch the world falling apart without seeing If only everyone could just leave me in peace If only I could sit here and do nothing at all If only life were just a tad less complicated If only an angel would hint to me before I would fall If only things were the opposite of what they are now If only I were able to polish all of life's imperfections If only high school would just end tomorrow If only I would never have to suffer pain and rejection If only I accepted everythin...

Exam week has begun! Oh, the stress keeps building up! Also, this constant isolation from my friends and from regular school life has gotten me pretty down in the dumps. Sitting at home studying all day isn't all that fun... With no distractions except for history notes on my mind, I start looking back at past events- usually disturbing ones, that crowd my inner peace and totally distract me from studying! I'm actually supposed to be studying at the moment, but in order to achieve at least some peace I wrote a poem about this tunnel in my head... It seems like I'm over analayzing past situations over and over again and I'm sure that that's not healthy! You can't change what happened, but you can change what will be. Have to take my own advice sometimes! Ha, enjoy my poem. I am a prisoner of my mind I am a slave of my very own brain Flashbacks clog inner peace And restrain me from becoming sane Thoughts; they arrive with no knock on the door Barge in ...