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Thirst For Destruction (Of The Self)

I've only seen two types of people in this world. Sometimes they are both, some are more extreme than others, and some interchange. Essentially, a (wo)man can only be in one of two states: a state of heightened esteem, to the point of arrogance; or a state of complete submission and weakness. This state of being eventually shapes a man's character, for a man who leans too much on cowardice becomes a coward, and the man who is consistently in a state of arrogance becomes an arrogant man- the state becomes embedded in his personality. How do we know that a man can only be in one of two states? When a man faces a dangerous or difficult situation, he rarely takes responsibility for himself, for this goes against the man's natural need for survival. Taking responsibility involves taking a risk of being rejected or hurt. The man's natural instinct, therefore, is to tackle the situation in a way so that his ego is protected. For example, when coming across a bear, the arrogant man can choose to fight the animal, and the cowardly man can run away. In either case, the man protects his life and ego. In both scenarios, the man takes his best self-interest above all else. This is simply the nature of man.

Yet there is a giant, looming counter-argument to this statement. The nature of man is to survive and protect. In some cases, he avoids taking responsibility for himself and others simply to uphold his ego. But man is, at the same time, the most self-destructive being on earth. The arrogant man believes himself to be invincible; he takes pride in conquering others (thoughts, beliefs, and bodies) and feeds from the conquered. He is, in a sense, much like a colonial power, dominating others for self-fulfillment. Since the arrogant man does not take responsibility for his actions, he does not admit to his need for invincibility. The arrogant man is, therefore, as weak as the coward, for he sees himself to be nothing. Without the approval of others, he is self-loathing, as his personality is not strong enough to resist self-destructive thoughts ("I wonder what they think of me, I need to fight in order to be seen as courageous"). 

The cowardly man is also self-destructive. He, too, makes choices not based on responsibility but on fear of judgment by other people. The cowardly man has poor self-esteem and he conceals it in a different way than the arrogant man. Instead of putting on a face of invincibility, the cowardly man pretends to be weak. He uses weakness as strength- if others see him as vulnerable, they may pity him and leave him alone. This is the cowardly man's defence against rejection and destruction of the ego. Yet he is self-destructive just the same. By having constant anxiety of other peoples' perceptions of him, he cannot be free from his negative thoughts. His "appearance" of weakness becomes actual weakness, for many repeated actions of cowardice turn him into an actual coward. The cowardly man avoids taking responsibility for himself by blaming his troubles on his being ("people don't like me because I am a coward"). He internalizes all the arrogance that the arrogant man externalizes; he has the capability of transcending past his cowardice, but chooses not to. 

The arrogant and cowardly man share a common habit: the thirst for self-destruction. The habit, just like the state of being (cowardly or arrogant) becomes so embedded in their lives that it becomes a part of who they are. Self-destruction directly opposes the man's natural thirst for survival. Here we can see that man strays from nature and creates himself as he is seen by others; hence, not taking responsibility for himself and concealing his true persona. Self-destruction can appear in a number of ways and is applicable to both the arrogant and cowardly man's life. A man can destroy himself through: bad thoughts (about himself and others), strained relations (purposeful spite in his relationships), substance use (overconsumption of alcohol, drugs, and other addictions), and a need for perfection (to see oneself as a constant failure, for one is never perfect). These actions, when repeated, become a part of who he is. The most trivial thing here is that the man does not take responsibility for his own self-destruction, blaming it on everything that is outside himself, namely the actions of other people ("He was bad to me, she ruined me, I've had so many bad experiences that it's impossible for me to change and it is just who I am"). The moment that man frees himself from his delusions, is the moment that he will be a wholesome, happy human being. As long as he succumbs to a state of arrogance or cowardice, he will be confined to his own sad, angry world. He will never be able to exist in the world of reality, where he would realize that other peoples' opinions are not relavant to one's survival. 

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