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The Broken Family

With a 50% divorce rate in Canada, it is no wonder that the definition of "family" has been meddled with. The stereotypical Berenstain Bear-esque family consisting of two chubby parents in overalls, a protective older brother and a sister in a bow tie has been long diminished. Maybe children's television shows should show some foster families or single parent families instead to appeal to the masses. But then again, a programme like "Franklin & His Single Mother" would not be considered a "mainstream" show. There are many myths surrounding single parent families; it's as if it's taboo to talk about it. But I'm going to go ahead and list some of the assumptions that really bother me- concerning both single parents and children of those single parents.

  1. A single parent family is poor. Sure, when a couple splits up, they are usually left with a considerably lower income than before. In addition to salary, the single parent also receives child support as issued by the court. It's not impossible for a single parent to be really well off financially, even though a double income is always more than a single one.
  2. A child coming from a "broken home" is deeply troubled. A child with divorced parents has probably had a tough life, but it doesn't mean he/she is doomed to be a drug dealer or have serious "daddy issues" (I despise that term). In some cases, it's worse for the child to remain with bickering parents.
  3. The only reason people get divorced is because they have given up- any marriage can work if you put enough effort into it. Maybe there is no better choice than to give up. If giving up means letting go of a toxic environment (that is inevitably poisonous for the children) so be it. Just because a couple decides to get a divorce doesn't mean that they have bad morals.
  4. A single mother or father can't raise a child properly- they are not setting the right example for the child. This is also a stereotypical myth. A single parent can be the most loving and supportive idol for the child.
That was an optimistic list, but there are negatives to divorce. The worst thing about coming from a "broken home" is the... brokenness of it. A divorce is a broken line in a glass bottle, a crack in the pavement. It causes you to have a naturally tighter relationship with one parent, and a very loose or almost nonexistent relationship with the other. The term "father" can turn into something that is alienating and terrifying. The term can be moulded, it can be skinned and hung out to dry underneath the blaring sun, the horseflies feeding at its carcass. It can turn from "daddy" to "dad" to "pa" to "father" to "Mama's ex husband" to "George" to "Mr. Leon" to "who are you?" Ultimately, the term itself becomes an enigma and causes you to feel like a scared fool. Isn't a father more than ink on a pay cheque? Isn't he more than a formality, a forced gesture of compassion, a familiar stranger with whom you share DNA but know not a thing about? 

I adore the "perfect" family with all my heart, but the truth is that no family is perfect- single parent or otherwise. A million dollar home and three million dollars debt. A master bedroom for the mother and basement couch for the father. A happy photograph on the wall of an unfamiliar woman. Every family has its secrets and imperfections. This is why the term "family" is becoming more ambiguous and is different for everyone. A family, in my opinion, is the group of people that love you the most. 
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