67. Failure > Success

I came back home crying to my mother one day
She asked me why my eyes were so sore
But how could I speak when my lips were deserted?
For they hurt from not being kissed anymore

Each breath was a mission I was not willing to take
A boulder heaved down on my bones
Everything was so difficult; all emotions deployed
It felt so familiar to be safely alone

My mother looked at me solemnly and told me,
“Adolescence is by far the most complex stage
At times you’re ecstatic, for you’ve succeeded!
But unfortunately, most times you fail at this age”

“Uncertainty is an irritating rash
That seems to linger, unable to heal
Curiosity is juvenile, yet stabs your core
‘Till you question if heaven is real”

I pondered on this and I dreamt that night
I dreamt about hawks circling me ‘round
They gracefully sliced the air above me
Without a squawk nor vigorous sound

The thoughts poured like an oil spill into the sea…
Who am I? Who will I be?
What is the future holding for me?
The crystal glass is foggy, I cannot see!

Alas, I’ve given up searching for angels
They have aided me no more than a pet
Beneath patches of hideous bruised smiles
Is a buried mountain of hateful regret

The rage invaded my organs of love
Why cannot I detoxify myself of remorse?
Every time I am certain I am happy again
Life brings tragedy and failures, of course

This life is but a cycle of comedy and distress
It goes the same way as the hawks circle the sky
Mother, will I one day be a stupendous bird?
She said, “As long as you don’t cry”

Comments

Miles Away

I refuse to sell my heart, not for twenty-five cents The auction is closed, ladies and gents I’ve already sold my eyes, when they caught sight of the streets So now everyone can see the beauty of my Italian retreat I sold my tongue for gelato, feeling so young Letting the wild berries dance around on my tongue I sold my feet when I traveled to see our Holy Mother in gold Like a saint on a mission, I’ll walk until I get old I sold my ears when I heard beautiful Aida open her lips Echoing through the theatre in which the ancients used to sit But I won’t sell my heart, it is still free For my heart belongs to God and not really to me My heart aches for home, too many miles away Yet for now I am here and I will live for today Yes, I sold my eyes to Italy; it’s all I can see How I wish you were here seeing these treasures with me I’ll try to buy back my sight, taste, and ears too So that I’ll be able to share these memories with you

We Pretend

We pretend that we'll live forever That tomorrow will bring something better We pretend we're not made of stars As we roam the streets and bars We pretend we'll never die That our kids won't ever cry Over the loss that is our end Every student, teacher, friend Everyone we've ever known Has a constellation they call home When the moon comes out at night I look to them to see the light To all those who did pretend That their story would never end But on some nights, breezy and clear I see the stars and they feel near I can grasp one and hold it in my hand As it takes me to another land We pretend this earth is all there is to see Yet the stars and crickets have spoken to me We pretend we'll never die Because we truly won't To someone's eye

Not Your Typical New Year's Resolutions

2016 is a big year for me and for most friends my age. 2016 means I'll transform from "Olga Taratuta, High School Graduate" to "Olga Taratuta, B.A." 2016 holds my future in its sweaty palms. The words "job," "money," "graduate school," and "scholarships" seem to have dominated my pool of vocabulary. 2016 is where I become a real adult, not the OSAP mooching fraud that I am now. But adulthood is a scam. It is a fable told by society to keep the economy in check. Adults are seduced by money. We become promiscuous, lurking the streets to make a buck. My original goals for 2016 were to: A) Get into graduate school B) Get a job C) Get an apartment D) Save, save, save! Then I realized that all those goals are money-driven to some degree. They are but cookie cutter resolutions, such as "exercise more" or "lose 5 pounds." I will not make money by aiming to make money. I have realized this ...

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