Socrates: I know that I know nothing.
While I was in high school, I didn't really think about life's big questions. I don't blame the school system for it- I was just not in that state of mind yet. Everything that I learned seemed to pass right through me. I didn't bother chewing the precious bits of life advice that were handed to me by my teachers. I simply devoured the information, and it remained in my stomach, undigested, only to be regurgitated on the final exam. Then once summer began, I forgot everything that I had learned. I remember looking at the clock, praying for class to end, hoping for the semester to finish, hoping that I could get out of high school and live in a world without detentions and compulsory math courses.
Now I'm in university, majoring in the humanities. Everything that was taught to me during my four years in high school was revised, summarized, and dismissed during my first day of classes. Everything that I had known was erased. Everything that was my narrow little reality was spat on. In high school I was a big fish in a little pond, and now I am a sardine in a can of thousands of other sardines. In high school I would spend long stretches of time worrying about humdrum affairs- the state of my wardrobe, the boys that I had a crush on, prom. Studying in university has sculpted my brain. Now I worry about the state of the world's politics, the selfish history of mankind, and the foggy future that lies ahead.
While I bask in Plato's idealisms, Hobbes' realisms, and St. Augustine's speculations, I am forced to realize that I am in fact a very tiny fish swimming in an infinite pond. I have learned so much in these past two years that my mind has been completely remade. Sometimes I look at my English professor and I see my high school English teacher in her. In moments like these, I wish I could go back to high school and take all that it had to offer. I wish I could sit down with my high school English teacher and discuss the big questions, the things that matter. Where did we come from and where are we going? I wonder why I never asked myself these questions until now. But this would be depriving myself of my mundane teenage existence, where petty drama, breakups, and gossip were the big picture. It is only through learning, first hand, the things that don't matter in life, that I am able to tackle the more important enigmas of our universe.
While I study history, philosophy, human evolution, politics, religion, and literature, I can't help but thank high school for bringing me to my current state of mind. I'm glad I had four years to purge the fruitless vanity out of my system. Now I am more humble, inquisitive, and have a passionate thirst for knowledge. Baldwin is my bread and Dickinson is my water. The ancient Romans are my idols. Christine de Pizan is my saintly other half. Thank you to all my high school teachers who were leading me to this path all along. I'm sorry that I was too childish to see it.
While I was in high school, I didn't really think about life's big questions. I don't blame the school system for it- I was just not in that state of mind yet. Everything that I learned seemed to pass right through me. I didn't bother chewing the precious bits of life advice that were handed to me by my teachers. I simply devoured the information, and it remained in my stomach, undigested, only to be regurgitated on the final exam. Then once summer began, I forgot everything that I had learned. I remember looking at the clock, praying for class to end, hoping for the semester to finish, hoping that I could get out of high school and live in a world without detentions and compulsory math courses.
Now I'm in university, majoring in the humanities. Everything that was taught to me during my four years in high school was revised, summarized, and dismissed during my first day of classes. Everything that I had known was erased. Everything that was my narrow little reality was spat on. In high school I was a big fish in a little pond, and now I am a sardine in a can of thousands of other sardines. In high school I would spend long stretches of time worrying about humdrum affairs- the state of my wardrobe, the boys that I had a crush on, prom. Studying in university has sculpted my brain. Now I worry about the state of the world's politics, the selfish history of mankind, and the foggy future that lies ahead.
While I bask in Plato's idealisms, Hobbes' realisms, and St. Augustine's speculations, I am forced to realize that I am in fact a very tiny fish swimming in an infinite pond. I have learned so much in these past two years that my mind has been completely remade. Sometimes I look at my English professor and I see my high school English teacher in her. In moments like these, I wish I could go back to high school and take all that it had to offer. I wish I could sit down with my high school English teacher and discuss the big questions, the things that matter. Where did we come from and where are we going? I wonder why I never asked myself these questions until now. But this would be depriving myself of my mundane teenage existence, where petty drama, breakups, and gossip were the big picture. It is only through learning, first hand, the things that don't matter in life, that I am able to tackle the more important enigmas of our universe.
While I study history, philosophy, human evolution, politics, religion, and literature, I can't help but thank high school for bringing me to my current state of mind. I'm glad I had four years to purge the fruitless vanity out of my system. Now I am more humble, inquisitive, and have a passionate thirst for knowledge. Baldwin is my bread and Dickinson is my water. The ancient Romans are my idols. Christine de Pizan is my saintly other half. Thank you to all my high school teachers who were leading me to this path all along. I'm sorry that I was too childish to see it.
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