Types of Students

A shiver goes down my spine when that one boy…the one with the hair in his eyes and a scruff of hair on his chin, walks into the lecture ten minutes after the professor has begun talking, and he stomps like the Green Giant to the front row and while moving to the middle of the aisle his backpack hits my face. No, I can’t stand students like that.

Then there are those who treat the lecture hall as their personal restaurant. Once, this girl opened a full can of tuna and pasted it onto a piece of bread, downed it with Starbucks (worst curse upon this world) and proceeded to strawberry yoghurt and crackers and fries.

Why?

But these are mere observations of mine. Other students count sheep or just listen to the professor and they fall asleep, even if in the second row.

There are those who type furiously, as if the course was a pathway to God. They record every detail being said, they probably write down who coughed in class and when and for what reason and questions on the topic.

My favourite are the girls who sit behind my head and obnoxiously chew blueberry gum ‘til their tongues turn indigo and they look like lagoon monsters with bleached hair. And they talk so loudly and they describe their dates in astonishing detail. At the end of class the only thing I learned is that Laura slept with Ken and she had the most romantic time of her life.

It should be illegal to gossip in a lecture hall.

The students who admire their macs the whole time and scroll through social networking tweeting things such as “omg english will be the death of me :(“ are not much of a bother.

Lastly, my favourite moment of a university lecture yet….

Convocation Hall. 1500 students. A needle can be heard falling onto the floor in this silent class. The only voice is that of the professor explaining his Powerpoint.

He switches to the next slide.

A boy bursts out from almost the top row. “Can you please go back one slide?”

His moronic question echoes in the dome.

“One slide…one slide…one slide…”

It provokes the professor to explain to the 1500 person class that this is an example of what not to do when you’re at a job interview. A collective embarrassment falls over the room like a silk carpet. Silence presumes.

That level of awkwardness is experienced only once in a lifetime.