51. Prisoner of Sunlight

Exam week has begun! Oh, the stress keeps building up! Also, this constant isolation from my friends and from regular school life has gotten me pretty down in the dumps. Sitting at home studying all day isn't all that fun... With no distractions except for history notes on my mind, I start looking back at past events- usually disturbing ones, that crowd my inner peace and totally distract me from studying! I'm actually supposed to be studying at the moment, but in order to achieve at least some peace I wrote a poem about this tunnel in my head... It seems like I'm over analayzing past situations over and over again and I'm sure that that's not healthy! You can't change what happened, but you can change what will be. Have to take my own advice sometimes! Ha,

enjoy my poem.

I am a prisoner of my mind
I am a slave of my very own brain
Flashbacks clog inner peace
And restrain me from becoming sane

Thoughts; they arrive with no knock on the door
Barge in as if they were good
I huddle and sink deep into this past-tense world
This world so difficultly understood

I am aware, living in past tense
Is the absolute worst thing a person can do
With it comes denial, hatred, regret
Until I can't differentiate from what's dreams and what's true

At the end of the dark, hollow tunnel
Rays of sunlight creep in and smile
Illuminating my heart, moving on forward...
Knowing this pleasant emotion will merely last some while

I can reach that light, I know I can
But every time I look in the past I move further from hope
Until I will be stuck in that tunnel with not a shed of light
Infinetely waiting for someone to pass me a rope

Life only moves forward
Just like an eagle, it never looks back
You can't changed what happened, but you can change what will be
The tunnel will not always be black

Comments

Happiness is Pink Jellybeans

Happiness is jumping in a pool of pink jellybeans Feeling the cool candy on my skin Happiness is enjoying the pleasures of life Without worrying about confessing my sins Whoever said that we are gluttons For biting juicy pears on the beach Must never have felt the sand in their toes They must have placed their own soul out of reach And what about greed? It's not all that bad To bury a pile of chestnuts for the spring All animals do it, so why shouldn't we? If it's greedy to love yourself, let it be Lust is the one that makes pastors blush Yet it's one of the greatest joys in the body A kiss and a dance, laughter and romance Why did we ever label this happiness as naughty? Have you ever seen a cat sad when it naps? It is okay to sometimes be lazy The body needs rest as does the mind Or the world will set fire from the crazy If happiness is a sin, then let me smile in hell Looking up at the do-gooders above For to live is to err, to cry, and to sing Happiness is pink jell...

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Jesus looks over The lost souls and bones below In the jungle sun To witness such beauty And such devastation God painted with one brushstroke Merry men sing Holes in their shoes The dark night lit up By police sirens And the crescent moon Bats flail around Like me, lost in the jungle Eyes glaring all around I hope they're monkeys Or jaguars I hope I can keep a piece of This country with me Safe in my pocket It smells like tropical rain And feels like The clam shells Washed up on the shore It tastes like fried bananas And heavily salted steak Sounds like seabirds cawing Samba on the streets And looks like a page From a storybook About parrots and palm trees Of finding a golden treasure A magnificent, uneasy place When she sun goes down So do we Leaving the night To the creepy crawlers And innocent stray cats

I See the Fire

Every time I close my eyes, I see the fire That aches where you burned me last I am a woman of the earth and the cool soil Where life ferments and earthworms roam I can't survive the lava that pulses beneath The crust of this beautiful land Yellow dandelions piercing the grass Emerald pockmarked with gold I wish sometimes that I wasn't a woman of the earth I wish that I were stronger I wish that my bones were made of steel And my heart of flame So that I wouldn't fall apart at every Crude remark, every Light tug, every Covert attack That rolls off the back of a fire-woman Instead, my skin is transluscent Like the morning dew My muscles pieced together With tree sap and mushrooms What's an earth-woman to do In a world engulfed by fire? But root herself firmly to one place Grow a network of twisting underground limbs And create a stable home To escape the chaos of this world

Olga's Poetry & Thoughts

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