During my undergraduate degree at U of T, I was completely and desolately lost. I had no idea what I wanted from life, academically, spiritually, or career-wise. During my second year, I decided to do my double major in English and "Ethics, Society and Law" (a pseudo- "pre-law" program) because those topics were (and still are) my two passions. I aimed to go to law school because 1) I thought of myself as a social justice warrior, striving for equality for people of all genders and races and 2) lawyers get paid well. My two opposing motivations for going to law school ultimately wore me out, and I ended up selling my LSAT prep book. I didn't even take the test.
My back-up plan: a Masters in Public Policy. I was selected by a supervising professor to do my undergraduate thesis (approx. 50 pages) about an obscure painting located in Siena's city hall, and how it relates to medieval Sienese politics. After all that hard work, and after presenting at a thesis conference, I still did not get accepted into the Public Policy program. I was devastated. When plan A and B don't pan out, what is plan C?
During my graduation ceremony from U of T, old aristocrat-looking gentlemen dressed in capes whom I've never even met represented all of us, U of T students, and our transition into the work force. The gentleman whose hand I shook when I received my diploma said, "wow, with your average, you'll have no problem finding a job" which is easy to say when you're an old white guy wearing a cape, sitting on a literal throne, representing one of Canada's most prestigious universities.
Needless to say, I couldn't find a full-time job this past summer. I submitted more than 200 applications, and had countless interviews, but in the end I always received that gut-wrenching email that starts with, "Thank you for your time" in the headline. So, I worked at Tim Horton's for a while. I worked with people who held undergraduate, and even graduate degrees. I also worked with teenagers, high school dropouts, and immigrants. It was a humbling, exhausting experience. I was still debating what I wanted to do with my life, but when I saw how hard the newcomers at Tim's worked, I knew that I wanted to make their lives better somehow. And I knew I could bring more value into this world other than pouring coffee into your cup.
One day when I was getting verbally harassed for the umpteenth time by a cranky Tim's customer, I decided to quit. I just quit. Then I almost immediately went home to apply for the "Teaching as a Second Language" postgraduate program, and got accepted the very next day. I am now learning more than I had in my undergraduate degree or in my life, because I am learning practical skills: how to be a good teacher. And, most importantly: how to stop worrying about grades.
All my life I was extrinsically motivated, meaning that, I performed well academically only to get an A, because just the sight of an A makes me feel warm inside. Now I'm learning how to be a successful teacher, and in a meta sort of way, I am also learning how to be a "good" student. Not just good by getting good grades, but also by being genuinely interested in the academic content.
Being a fresh graduate is extremely difficult. Because of my young age, I feel that employers look down on me due to my lack of experience, and showing them an "A" won't change their minds. Only my limited experience and genuine passion for English teaching will land me a career, and this is where that journey begins. I have now observed many different types of classrooms, from ultra beginner level to advanced, and with people from all over the world and walks of life. Now my goal will be to intrinsically motivate them to learn, while at the same time motivating myself in the same way. I will keep you updated on my path to becoming an ESL teacher!
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