With Valentine’s Day coming near It is the perfect time to confess my love To the most famous man of this great land Embodying a nation that’s both strong and free Yes, Rob Ford, I declare my love for thee Even when I try to forget about your smile It shows up on the front page of the paper Your face shiny and pink like rose marble My heart begins to sting with envy That you’re having a great life without me Oh how I wish that you could see I’d cross bridges and mountains and LRTs for you I’d bash all the protesters outside City Hall for you Just to make you notice me Together, we could have dinners at Steak Queen We could conquer the gravy train We could conquer the world Alas, my unrequited love taunts me Even though I know you have More than you can eat at home Will you still be my Valentine?