My Wish List + Why It Sucks Being Sweet

Here is a little wish list of mine:

I wish I could tame my emotions with a lasso.

I wish I agreed to things without picking a fight.

I wish I were more accepting of others.

I wish that my face would not reveal my emotions so obviously.

I wish I were less cold.

I wish I quit holding grudges.

I wish that every word that came out of my lips was firstly filtered of toxins.

I wish I had no bad habits.

I wish I stopped worrying about the past, present, and future simultaneously.

I wish I loved myself.

I wish I stopped being my own worst enemy.

I wish I stopped blaming myself for everything.

I wish I saw things for the way they really are.

I wish I smiled more.

~~I wish I were just a little bit sweeter?~~

Okay, so I’ve established that I’m cold and not sweet. That definitely means I’m not a delightful scoop of ice cream. Maybe I’m like frozen beef. Raw. Filling. And can also leave you with a nasty bruise if you’re struck with it. Most people succumb to the sweetness of a strawberry or tartness of a cherry. Sweet things are easy to find- they are sold in bunches and they’re cheap during peak season. Berries can be blended together to make jam or cheesecake topping or whatever else the heart desires- a delicious, temporary satisfaction of the taste buds. But beef is expensive and takes a lot of effort to figure out. It seems simple but is actually complex to cook and prepare- only the right ingredients can make a tasty beef dish. The bottom line here is that it’s lonely being frozen beef.

I make this comparison because when I hear some people talk (for hours) I shut my brain off from their cheap nonsense and all I can imagine is strawberry jam gushing from their mouths. Everyone is guilty of “sugar coating” their words from time to time, but some do it much more often than others. A person who pleases others, tries to be nice all the time, is always smiling and happy...this person is usually insecure and so thickly coated in jam that I’m not sure if they even know who they are. There is nothing that sickens me more than hollow “sweet” talk that is not backed up by action. False promises. Manipulation and betrayal. This all stems from the desperate desire to be sweet (consequently, it backfires).

I’ve got my own wish list that I’m trying to fulfill. To make myself a better person. I refuse to be smothered in any sort of fruity hogwash. I am a frozen slab of beef. And sometimes I start beef (ha…ha…).

And I would not want to have it any other way.

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Olga's Poetry & Thoughts

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