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Dear Potential Boyfriend

TO MY FUTURE/POTENTIAL BOYFRIEND/SIGNIFICANT OTHER:

If for a second you have a moment of doubt,
Then please do not bother trying me out.
And if you think that kisses are free,
Then you sure as hell do not want me.
Don't call me beautiful because I already know,
Please love me for all that I have to show.
Don't claim to understand me just to please your pride,
'Cause you don't have a clue what's going on in my mind.
If you want me as an accessory to drape over your arm,
Then purchase a scarf and don't cause me harm.
If you are a smoker, then cough into your sleeve,
Your breath is more revolting than you may believe.
I don't ask for gold and I don't care for cars,
But don't go out with your pals, hopping bars.
Be a gentleman and stand up for me like a man,
And I'll be a sweet pea; I'll be as nice as I can.
But if you deceive me I will make your heart swell,
I'll castrate your ego and wish you to hell.
If you feel like this risk is too much to bear,
I'll be single forever for all that I care.
Dear future boyfriend, please keep these thoughts straight,
Before you ask the "blonde chick" out on a date.


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