47. Juvenile [Bees In A Honey Jar]

Sorry I haven't written in my blog for a while! I have been preoccupied with schoolwork, friends, boys, packing (moving next week!!!) and such!!! Here is a poem I wrote about.. my twisted problems I face on a daily basis, how much I fail, etc. etc. : ) It feels like I've become really juvenile, gone backward in time, you know? I've experienced all this stuff before, and learned from my mistakes, but here I am again in square one being a scared little bat afraid of big bad wolves. It's kind of pathetic, it's kind of a waste of time, and it's kind of getting on my nerves, and I know that if I don't do something about it in the near future, I will go back into craziness/depression and wacko mode : D Wish me the best, for the people who know what I mean in this poem ; )

Enjoy <3 br="" nbsp="">

Juvenile, it's what I am
Cowardly, like never before
Indecisive, what the hell am I doing?
Strut right in or knock on the door...

Intestines, they must be collapsed and wasted
I have disinherited all guts from inside
With it, deflated my self esteem,
My determination, and my pride

This voyages beyond the point of pathetic
It simply reaches an unimagineable low
When conscience has refused to listen
And mind has resisted to grow

Now I'm stuck, like a bee in a honey jar
And I've got nowhere to fly
Might as well let my antennae wither away
Taste a sweet bit of sugar, and say goodbye

Juvenile; beyond all beliefs
Are my emotions beyond my control?
Maybe if I stood up and did something; anything!
Maybe then my life would be whole

What's the worst that can happen?
I'll live through this, no doubt
Mind is not completely diminished
I'll do this; I'll figure it out

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Every time I close my eyes, I see the fire That aches where you burned me last I am a woman of the earth and the cool soil Where life ferments and earthworms roam I can't survive the lava that pulses beneath The crust of this beautiful land Yellow dandelions piercing the grass Emerald pockmarked with gold I wish sometimes that I wasn't a woman of the earth I wish that I were stronger I wish that my bones were made of steel And my heart of flame So that I wouldn't fall apart at every Crude remark, every Light tug, every Covert attack That rolls off the back of a fire-woman Instead, my skin is transluscent Like the morning dew My muscles pieced together With tree sap and mushrooms What's an earth-woman to do In a world engulfed by fire? But root herself firmly to one place Grow a network of twisting underground limbs And create a stable home To escape the chaos of this world

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